did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
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She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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