aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
