how can u be prego again
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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