this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
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I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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