I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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