Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
