the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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