I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
