so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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