I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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