so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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