I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
