even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
