He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You're a waste of cheezeits
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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