i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
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Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.