remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??