Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  either way. win, win.

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  (810): My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches. (1-810): either way. win, win. http://tfl.nu/dnjj
  Replies (37) Good night (3439) Bad night (761)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

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  (206): you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing." http://tfl.nu/7ght
  Replies (16) Good night (5831) Bad night (1122)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again

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  (423): come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again http://tfl.nu/f993
  Replies (15) Good night (3912) Bad night (1655)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward

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  (602): i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward http://tfl.nu/yrv2
  Replies (21) Good night (1061) Bad night (3559)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.

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  (920): the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet. http://tfl.nu/lvr3
  Replies (12) Good night (6022) Bad night (1059)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...

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  (785): It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night... http://tfl.nu/p0ds
  Replies (25) Good night (2573) Bad night (4641)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale

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  (337): There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale http://tfl.nu/27tf
  Replies (8) Good night (2300) Bad night (1128)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.

  (206): View more from Washington

  Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.

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  (206): Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack. (1-206): Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on. (206): Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together. http://tfl.nu/xcw6
  Replies (11) Good night (2356) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.

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  (573): It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children. http://tfl.nu/cjdr
  Replies (2) Good night (934) Bad night (503)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire

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  (404): Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire http://tfl.nu/4cfz
  Replies (3) Good night (438) Bad night (554)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing

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  (503): Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing http://tfl.nu/v3ef
  Replies (0) Good night (449) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.

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  (305): We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened. http://tfl.nu/a50c
  Replies (3) Good night (816) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.

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  (802): Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions. http://tfl.nu/nv64
  Replies (1) Good night (506) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore

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  (410): Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore http://tfl.nu/vhu2
  Replies (2) Good night (331) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases

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  (603): Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases http://tfl.nu/75wr
  Replies (1) Good night (391) Bad night (161)

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