Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
