He had some BAD nuttage
It's like cleavage......... but different
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?