Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.