I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
