Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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