I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
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For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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