Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize