You smell like a Billy Joel song
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
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I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day