I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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