True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.