what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You took a bar mat shot.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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