somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.