Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
