if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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