The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
