He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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