i jhust puked up my retainher.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize