I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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