Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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