I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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