cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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