there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
