what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
