the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
