Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
