I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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