did you get engaged???
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
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i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
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I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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