My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
