Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
