haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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