try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
