he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Please don't give away my fajitas
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
