nut hugger
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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