Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
