You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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