Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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