I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
