lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
