Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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