so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is it penis luge time yet?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
