i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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