I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
