She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
