I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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