everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
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EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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