I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
