i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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