i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
