Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
