Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
