If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???