I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
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Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT