also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
