my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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