Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
