We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
